Fire Trucks News
1.) She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
He walked in; She turned and said,
You've got to make love to me this very moment."
His eyes lit up and he thought,
"This is my lucky day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her
and then gave it his all;
right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said,
"Thanks,"
and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, he asked,
"What was that all about?"
She explained,
"The egg timer's broken."
2.) This married couple is on holiday in the middle east. They're touring around the market place looking at the goods and such, when they pass this small sandal shop. From inside they hear a gentleman with a foreign accent say "I welcome you, foreigners! Come in, come in to my humble shop. Salam a leekem!" (hello in English)
So the married couple walks in. The foreign man says to them "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." The wife after hearing this is really interested in buying the sandals, but her husband feels he really doesn't need them, being the sex god that he is.
So the husband says to the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The man replies "Just try them on." The husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally concedes to try them on. As he does, he gets this wild look in his eyes, something his wife has not seen in many years; raw sexual power.
In a blink of the eye, the husband rushes the man man, throws him on a table and starts tearing at the guys pants. All the time the man is screaming "Stop, stop! You've got them on the wrong dam feet!"
3.) A fire starts inside a chemical plant and the alarm goes out to fire departments miles around. After crews have been fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give 0,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"
The crews try, but no one can get through. Then another fire truck, filled with a volunteer fire company of men over 65, comes roaring down the road and drives straight into the middle of the inferno.
The other men watch unbelieving as the old timers hop off of their rig and heroically extinguish the fire, saving the secret formulas. The company president walks over to reward the volunteers. "What do you guys plan to do with the money?" the president asks the group.
The firetruck driver looks him right in the eye and answers, "The first thing we’re going to do is fix the dam brakes on that truck."
Time Remaining:
1. Choose the item that is a complete sentence. (Points: 1)
Immediately following the introduction by Mr. Fedders.
Throughout that long night of rain, thunder, and lightning.
Turning to the next item on the agenda for the meeting.
Behind the orange sofa was pale wallpaper with small violets.
2. Choose the item that is a complete sentence. (Points: 1)
Having considered all the options.
Stop!
Here in the highlands of Colorado.
When he can.
3. Choose the item that is a sentence fragment. (Points: 1)
Suddenly, the telephone rang and interrupted us.
They sent him a bill for over 500 dollars.
Six pots of paint sat on the kitchen table.
Four or five sheets of poster board leaning against the wall.
4. Choose the answer that identifies the subject of the following sentence.
On the front of Baxter’s Auto Parts, a large green star with a white arrow invited customers in. (Points: 1)
front
Baxter’s Auto Parts
star
arrow
5. Choose the answer that identifies the complete subject of the following sentence.
Waves of long green grass shifted in the summer breeze. (Points: 1)
Waves
grass
Waves of long green grass
summer breeze
6. Choose the answer that identifies the simple subject in the following sentence.
Several of Larry’s friends were visiting that night. (Points: 1)
Several
friends
Several of Larry’s friends
night
7. Choose the answer that identifies the predicate of the following sentence.
I could have been mistaken about that day. (Points: 1)
could
could have been
could have been mistaken
could have been mistaken about
8. Choose the answer that identifies the complete predicate of the following sentence.
We were certainly happy about your news! (Points: 1)
were
were happy
were certainly happy
were certainly happy about your news
9. Choose the answer that identifies the simple predicate of the sentence.
I should have been thinking about the road ahead. (Points: 1)
should have been thinking about the road ahead
should have been
thinking
should have been thinking
10. Choose the answer that identifies the subject or subjects in the sentence.
Doesn’t Dan or one of his friends from college have a van or truck? (Points: 1)
Dan
Dan, one
Dan, friends
van, truck
11. Choose the answer that identifies the verb or verbs in the sentence.
I went to the mall, bought a great present for Mom, and wrapped it there. (Points: 1)
went
went, bought
went, bought, wrapped
went, bought, wrapped, there
12. Choose the sentence that is in inverted order. (Points: 1)
Three plastic pink flamingoes stood guard by their door.
Well, somebody else would have told the joke in another way.
What on earth do you mean?
A heavy necklace of jade hung on the mannequin in the window.
13. Choose the sentence that is in inverted order. (Points: 1)
High in the tree was a frightened kitten.
All the cans in the pantry were arranged in alphabetical order.
On top of the television, an alabaster fish sat.
Grey clouds drifted across the night sky.
14. Choose the item that is a fragment. (Points: 1)
If our calculations are correct, there should be no problem.
For the first time, he understood the power of discipline.
The lamp was an antique but still worked quite well.
One of the very few who understand the significance of this event.
15. Choose the item that is a fragment. (Points: 1)
Although they had never visited the old fort before.
It somehow seemed familiar.
The dark, cool rooms of stone had been used as sets in films.
There on the ledge was a pile of old cannon balls.
16. The following sentence may have an error in grammar, usage, or punctuation. Parts of the sentence are underlined. Choose the underlined part of the sentence that contains an error. If there is no error, choose no error.
Johnny and Delia are catching tadpoles by the dock, Ricki is playing with that little video game machine. (Points: 1)
Johnny and
dock, Ricki
machine.
no error
17. The following sentence may have an error in grammar, usage, or punctuation. Parts of the sentence are underlined. Choose the underlined part of the sentence that contains an error. If there is no error, choose no error.
The handful of oats was quite tempting the mare walke