How can I get my husband to get his priorities straight?
I don't know what to do, today's our one year (been together for 5, since we were 14 and 15) and i feel like i'm fed up and want to move on from him. his priorities are way off....here im 3 months pregnant and he wants to buy a xbox360 or a ps3 and rockband, coming out to about 600!! we havent even bought baby stuff...his trucks broke, we have bills we're trying to pay off...hes not even discussing it with me hes sitting here telling me this is what hes getting and he cant figure out what game system he wants...ive tried talking to him and he just says i try to ruin everything...I'm really hurt and i dont feel like i love him anymore because of his childishness, he just turned 21 on the 21st and everyday since hes had some sort of liquor drink as well, he had friends come over when i said i wanted to bbq, meaning me and him since with his work schedule we dont get to spend alot of time together and next thing i know theres 10 people over about house getting drunk. (hes a fire fighter in the USAF and now works in the alarm room, working the hours of 8-8 a day...)and today i spend 8 hours cooking a nice dinner for us, he comes home 2 hours early cuz i asked him we watch a movie then hes off doing other things, nothing was romantic....he tried to make a move but it was more perverted not what i would be expecting for a romantic nice night. I feel like hes trying to stay this young man and he sees what these other married couples are buying and doing but they dont have kids...with all this i cant help but feel our babys last in his priority and im wanting out because of this...I'm starting to see a side of him that's hurting me so bad, and no matter how much i tell him he doesn't care....I dont want to leave him...i want us to be a happy family, but i told him if we dont get along now, ive read things will just get worse...and there not getting better...I could really use some advice right now....
sadly i didnt see all this because up until Dec08 he didnt have a job, he was still at home getting ready for the air force...we are both originally from Sac Cali, and have always been close to family me living in the same house since i was 6 months old, the air force stationed us out in Little Rock Ark, obviously moving me away from my comfort zone and now I've seen this different side of him, yes i knew he was immature but after seeing him in basic, & his what i call now BS letters, he would of fooled anyone into thinking he was grown up. what makes this all worse is we were trying for this baby, he shows excitement but it doesn't always seem real, if that makes sense...as well we will have the money for the baby..but not tell September, he gets a reenlistment bonus, and says its ok to spend all our money now, when im trying to go back home for a week before the babys born because we dont know how long it will be before we can see our family again. i havent seen my fam in a year
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Tags: alot, baby stuff, babys, childishness, fire fighter, game system, getting drunk, happy family, job, liquor, married couples, nice dinner, nice night, priorities, priority, ps3, trucks, usaf, xbox360, young man
January 28th, 2010 at 2:15 am
First of all, I am sorry you’re going thru this while pregnant, it’s the last thing you need.
He is not stepping up to the plate, is he? I’m sure you’ve tried talking to him, but he’s just intent on being in a state of denial about his responsibilities. You are going to be even more vulnerable and in need after your baby is born, so you have a very tough decision to make. Is now the time to make it? Maybe so. There’s a slim chance that seeing his child come into the world would wake him up, but I don’t see you counting on that.
You might want to list your requirements, and plan to sit down with him after you have a clear agenda. If he cannot see that a baby comes before an xbox, you will end up being the mother of not one, but 2 children.
Close friends, family, you need them all right now. Don’t make any snap decisions, but map out your needs and requirements, such as buying things for the baby, etc. And ask him about him, he is probably acting out his fears instead of talking to you. I wish you all the best.
January 28th, 2010 at 2:15 am
IT NEVER GETS ANY BETTER IF YOU WANT TO GET RID OF HIM THEN DO SO YOU SEEM LIKE A GREAT WIFE HE WILL MISS YOU BUT ONLY WHEN YOU LEAVE TO PROVE YOUR POINT IT WONT TAKE HIM LONG TO GET IT STRAIGHT THEN
January 28th, 2010 at 2:15 am
Get a lawyer and file for divorce. Your husband is a child. At least a settlement will establish an alimony schedule.
January 28th, 2010 at 2:15 am
Age probably has a lot to do with it (immature/self-centered). Are you religious? Go to some Christian church counseling and they’ll straighten out his priorities and help you make a budget too. If you know any men whose priorities and ways of life are admirable you should encourage your husband to hang out with them.
January 28th, 2010 at 2:15 am
And yet you know that this is the way he’s always been, right? It usually takes something like a child coming into the world for someone to come to their senses and change their priorities. That was you. He’s just a big kid. If he isn’t seeing what needs to be done or for that matter how to even take care of you, what is there to even discuss? We can’t change him so that doesn’t leave you a lot of options. But you have a young one to think of so do the right thing and right now. If you stay any longer you will only resent him more and it gets harder to get out too.
January 28th, 2010 at 2:15 am
first he needs to grow up and 2nd you should be thinking of your first priority which is you and the baby. Your dream will never happen so get back to reality for you and baby.
January 28th, 2010 at 2:15 am
There are a lot of changes going on in your life. Things will really change when you have the baby and your husband realizes how expensive it is buying stuff for the baby. Please don’t make major decisions (like getting a divorce) because you are upset. Pregnancy can do crazy things to your hormones. You and your husband will become more mature in the next few years. Be grateful that your husband has a job and is supportive.
Scientific research shows that a person’s brain isn’t completely mature until they are 25 years old. This doesn’t mean that a person under 25 cannot make good choices. It just means the brain is still growing and changing. People may change a lot before the age of 25.
January 28th, 2010 at 2:15 am
In six months you will have a second child around the house. My sister asked when her husband was going to grow up and just turned 50. You will be spending the next 20 years raising 2 children. It won’t change until he decides to change. There is nothing you can do about it.